TOP 20 SIGNS YOU DON’T WANT TO BUY THAT HOUSE

1.                    Realtor takes time out from sales pitch to return fire

2.                    Realtor has to cut through police tape to open the door

3.                    “And with all the bats in the attic, you’ll never have a bug problem!”

4.                    A cockroach the size of your cat came up to you and said “Hello”.

5.                    Only thing bigger than the hole in the roof is the hole in the floor

6.                    The cracks in the floor weren’t there when you came in

7.                    The backyard gate opens onto Runway 17

8.                     “For Sale” signs on every house in the neighborhood

9.                    17 deadbolts on the front door

10.                 “Previous Owner? Oh, you don’t need to know about that.”

11.                 Price tag is “Whatever”.

12.                 The wall used to be the floor

13.                 Flies on the walls.  Lots of flies

14.                 Current residents have 911 on speed dial

15.                 When neighbor comes to meet you he glows green from the nuclear testing site next door

16.                 You lose one of your kids in a hole in the floor

17.                 The sellers are jittery when asked why they’re moving out

18.                 Mortar is still wet on obvious fake wall

19.                 Ad reads, “Interesting trades considered”

20.                 Real estate agent has horns and a tail.